


An Angel's Wings

by Germansunshine



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-02
Updated: 2014-12-02
Packaged: 2018-02-27 22:00:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2708267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Germansunshine/pseuds/Germansunshine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And an angel needs her wings.</p>
<p>Post Coda. Daryl's POV.</p>
            </blockquote>





	An Angel's Wings

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I have read so many pieces of you guys dealing with our loss. After two days I still cannot get rid of the heaviness that Sunday's events have put upon me, so this is a try to deal with it. There is one thing that I feel Daryl should do, that I haven't come across in other fics, so I had to write this. What do you think?
> 
> I never realized until this Sunday, how much Beth, Daryl and this ship have affected me. It hurts deeply. Somehow their story resonated with me. Having been going through my own struggles over the last few years, having felt as hopeless and broken as Daryl, Beth and their story was hope for me too. I admired her. Her faith. Her goodness. Her ability to see beauty in the smallest things. And I found myself aspiring to be like her. To start over, so to say.
> 
> And now it hurts, like I lost something as well.
> 
> It was good to read so many of the pieces on here. To feel that I am not alone in this. I don't know whether I can go on watching. It probably depends on their interpretation of Daryl in the next few episodes. We shall see.
> 
> The song I put in the beginning to me fits perfectly. If you get a chance, check it out. It is truly beautiful.
> 
> I want Beth back. I cannot stomach that their story - whichever way it would have gone - is over.
> 
> So anyways, give me your feedback and let me know what you feel. Keeping in touch with my fellow shippers here has really helped. So thank you for leaving comments!

**_Ella Henderson - Lay down_ **

 

_Won't you lay down and tell me the places you've been_

_Won't you lay down and relive your story again_

_If things could turn back around I know I would do anything_

_Won't you lay down, 'cause I know that heaven's waiting_

_Won't you stay now, there's so much that's never been said_

_Won't you stay now, remind me to never forget_

_And I, I won't break down, I don't want to live with regret_

_Won't you stay now, I'll be by your side 'til the end_

_You've been to places I've never been_

_Built your walls so high but you'd always let me in_

_You showed me that love can build a home_

_But now I see, that it's time to let you go_

_Won't you lay down and tell me the places you've been_

_Won't you lay down and relive your story again_

_If things could turn back around I know I would do anything_

_Won't you lay down, 'cause I know that heaven's waiting_

_And oh, and oh_

_If things could turn back around, I know I would do anything_

_Won't you lay down, 'cause I know that heaven's waiting_

 

* * *

 

 

Daryl’s world has stopped with the sound of a single shot. A splash of red against gold. A small body crumpled on a hospital floor. He can’t recall how he got from there into the van. Doesn’t remember shooting that cop or picking her small frame up. Only feels the emptiness. The despair. The gaping hole in his chest. The tears that he can’t stop falling on his face. The snot that’s dripping on his shirt. The tension in his shoulders.

 

He still has her cradled in his arms. Cannot let her go. He has to keep her safe. Like he should have done before. If only he had just held her as tightly a little earlier. When she was within his arm’s reach again. When he had just caught her eye for a second to make sure she was ok, had grazed her arm with his hand. Then he had made a mistake. He had felt safe. Too safe. The exchange had gone down without a hitch. He should have known that it was all too good to be true. He had just been so relieved to see her again, to see her walking - cuts and bruises and all - still with her head held high and a determination in her eyes that he had last seen when she had carried his bow. She was back. She was back. Finally. For a few seconds he had allowed himself to breathe again. That’s where he had messed up. Hadn’t paid attention. Hadn’t listened to his gut instinct telling him that there was something wrong.

 

And now her lifeless body lies in his arms. Her blonde hair is mixed with the red of her blood. Her blue eyes closed, the color drained from her face, her arms hanging down, just dangling instead of holding on. He doesn’t register where they are going. He hears Maggie’s sobbing beside him but he cannot look at her. He cannot look away from the blond angel in his arms, because he knows every moment he can still look into her beautiful face, can still feel her soft skin is precious now. He doesn’t have many more left.

 

He can dimly hear Rick talking. Something about getting out. Something about some place safe. Michonne is answering. The church. The yard there. They need to go back.

 

“No” he shouts. “No, not there”. He can feel their eyes on him. But doesn’t look back. Can’t look back. He can’t look away from her.

 

“Why, Daryl?” It’s Carol that’s asking him he thinks. When he doesn’t answer because the words won’t leave his mouth she asks again, more softly this time. “Why, Daryl? Why not there?” - “It’s not peaceful enough” he forces his breath into words “not beautiful enough. Too much blood.” A silence settles inside the van, only to be disturbed by Maggie’s anguish and the sound of the engine. “Where to then?” his brother asks. Daryl closes his eyes, but only for a second. He pictures her alive, smiling, walking ahead of him, the sun streaming through her hair casting her in a golden glow. He remembers thinking that this is what angels must look like. Remembers that field, with the yellow hue of the wheat, the single tree on a hill. “Don’t you think it’s beautiful?” That’s what she had said to him on that day as they had been walking. The day after he had burned down his past and had started over. Had tried to.

 

When he opens his eyes back up, he knows where to go. Tells Rick where to head. That’s the place she needs to rest. And he continues looking at her. Taking all of her in. Beth. The ray of hope. The light that now has gone out. Beth. Beth, Beth, oh God, Beth! His tears well up again. Choked sobs escape his mouth, his shoulders almost collapse and his head lolls forward. He buries his face in her neck. Carol puts a hand on his arm, but it’s not helping. She’s gone. He just picked her grave. She is gone. Why, oh why? Not her. Not Beth. Not his Beth. He doesn’t dwell on the feeling, on the thought that enters his head, that she never was his, because he never deserved her. It doesn’t matter. He is hers. Always will be. Ironic, that he realizes that now in the hour of her death. He would have liked to tell her. He should have told her back at that candle-lit kitchen table. But he didn’t know what this was back then. He hadn’t figured out what he had been feeling. He knows now though. He knows.

 

He breathes in her scent. He can still smell the sweetness of Beth underneath the coppery tang of her blood and bullet residue. He feels her getting colder. But he can’t have that. So he pulls her even closer. Holds her as tightly as he can.

 

The van is stopping. Daryl dimly recognizes that they have arrived and Rick has parked them on the side of the field next to the dark, dark woods. The others are getting out. He can’t though. Maggie does not want to go either. She keeps clutching Beth’s hand. Grips it more tightly. But Glenn is pulling her out. No one is pulling Daryl though. No one dares to. His brother is next to him, standing at the open door and Daryl can feel the chill of the wind coming in. “Underneath the tree?” Rick asks. Daryl only nods his head. “You getting out?” - “No.” he shakes his head. When Rick doesn’t leave right away, he adds “Need to keep her warm”. - “Alright. We’ll get you when we are ready.”

 

Then he is alone with her. He doesn’t know how long. It’s not long enough. These moments will never be enough. Precious minutes that turn into seconds when he can still feel her.

 

Then they come back. “Daryl, it is time”. No, no, no….! He shakes his head. Feels a touch on his arm but shakes it off violently. No. He might be screaming. “You have to.” It’s all Rick says. “You have to, brother”. Slowly Daryl starts nodding. The sobs are subsiding, but endless tears are still flooding his face and clothes. Stiffly, he climbs out of the van, pulling her in closer again. The field is bathed in the golden glow of the evening sun. His arms are heavy as he carries her across the field. The others are waiting, heads are bowed, eyes are crying.

 

He has to let her go. He doesn’t want to. But he has to. His arms are cold after he has carefully laid her down in the ground on the white cloth. He steps away, but his eyes never leave her face. She is so beautiful. Beautiful in death and in life. Goodness etched on her features. His angel.

 

After Gabriel is finished with his prayer, Rick moves to put the cloth on her face, but Daryl makes him stop. Something is missing. He has to keep her warm. Daryl shrugs out of his vest, kneels on the ground and puts it on her. The wings were never his. He needs to keep her warm. And an angel needs her wings. He can’t help himself and softly puts a kiss on her forehead. One of his tears is dripping on her face and he allows himself one last touch on her cheek. Then he gets up again and takes a step back. Rick moves and puts the cloth on her. He can hear Gabriel saying something about God welcoming her into his heavenly kingdom. Maggie is beside him. She crumbles to the ground as their family slowly throws the earth on Beth. But Daryl stands. He stands as long as it takes. Stands when the hole is filled. A small cross is put upon her grave. The others leave one after the other. His brother is the last to gently press a hand on his shoulder. Glenn finally picks up Maggie and leads her away. But Daryl still stands. He stands until the sunset bathes the sky in red and makes the fall’s leaves glow. The wind picks up.

 

He can hear her voice on the wind. Can hear her calling to him.

 

“Beth,” he says “Wait for me”. He doesn’t need more than this as a goodbye. She knows.

 

And then he walks away, away from his family into the woods.


End file.
